The Daily ObituaryNo. ∞Est. MMXXVI

THEYFELL

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In Memoriam
Here Lies
The 400 Dollar Handshake

It raised 120 million dollars to build a QR code cop for juice bags that human hands beat by simply existing. Bloomberg's forearms outperformed a Wifi press. Turns out the produce packs had all the juice; the machine just had the Wifi.

Cause of DeathBare hands, no funding round, same juice, faster
Survived bya glass press, a QR scanner, and 120 million dollars of hand strength
Obituary card: here lies The 400 Dollar Handshake. Cause of death: Bare hands, no funding round, same juice, faster
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