It raised 120 million dollars to build a QR code cop for juice bags that human hands beat by simply existing. Bloomberg's forearms outperformed a Wifi press. Turns out the produce packs had all the juice; the machine just had the Wifi.

The notice is the joke. The post-mortem is the document: eight parts across a printed report, in your inbox in about a minute. The verdict, the body, the cause and time of death, what your first screen actually says to a stranger, the three things to cut, the one fix worth making, and a week-by-week plan for the next thirty days.
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